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Glitch  •  12 May 2021  •  Non-Fiction

Confessions of a Serial Swiper

By Milly Guiffre
Content Warning: Sexual references
Confessions of a Serial Swiper

I’m sure most of us have either fallen down the dating app spiral, or witnessed it. You’re at a party with friends, wanting to set each other up, or perhaps you’re just in need of a pick-me-up via the validations of complete strangers. It’s harmless, right? You set up a profile, choose some cute pictures and write a funny bio. Then BOOM, you make a match. Then another, and another. Suddenly, you’ve scheduled yourself 

for a date with a stranger you’ve spoken five sentences to. 

Fast-forward a month or two, and now you’re pining over why they’re viewing all your stories, but won’t respond to your messages. You get more and more frustrated, continually refreshing all your different socials — you spiral deeper into a constant obsession. Finally, after giving countless chances, you come to the conclusion that maybe it’s time to move on… and so you repeat the process.  

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve witnessed success stories via dating apps. However, I feel the majority of us get sucked into the deep abyss of obsessing over our self-image, likes and cheesy compliments, instead of actually trying to meet people. You had hopes of coming out the other side, feeling better about yourself. Yet, you end up in a worse state than before you hit that dreaded download button.

I think it’s time we detoxed these apps from our lives. (I’m not one to talk though… I just had a mad swipe sesh while writing this.) 

In all seriousness, it really does become a bit of an addiction. 

We enter a loop of seeking the reward, as the chances of finding a match is unpredictable, so the desire to achieve it becomes like a game.

We enter a loop of seeking the reward, as the chances of finding a match is unpredictable, so the desire to achieve it becomes like a game.

Seeing that ‘new match’ message, or notification popping up, provides us with a short-lived rush of dopamine, encouraging us to keep chasing this high. Does everyone feel that sense of validation that they’re not completely ugly when the 99+ likes screen appears on your Tinder? 

However, this rush comes at a high price — falling into the cycle of opening Snapchats containing unsolicited nudes, an absurd amount of fishing photos, getting recruited by sugar daddies (I can’t be the only one… right?) and of course, the thirst trap photos used to lure us into someone’s threesome. Seriously, I don’t want to join you and your boyfriend, Elly, no one does. 

Everyone has had their own experiences with these apps, but I’m sure I speak for the majority when I say it’s not easy out there. It’s hard to wear your heart on your sleeve when you’re traversing a digital wasteland. 

That being said, I am definitely still in no hurry to find my soulmate. It can be hard enough to love yourself sometimes. But if anyone wants to take me out for a cute date to an art gallery, or grab a gin and tonic... you have my Instagram. ;) 

Sincerely, 

A Serial Swiper

@lushicequeen

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