Picture this: it’s a sunny Friday afternoon. You and 4 of your classmates are sitting on the Alumni Green, casually laughing and telling amazing stories to each other because, let’s face it, you're all hilarious, magnetic, and charming. Your outfits are all really cool. You're sipping on an iced latte from one of the uni's many cafes with your sunglasses on. Everyone wants to be your friend.
Now, say it with me: this is an attainable dream! This can happen! I will not be nervous and rushing for the train forever! Friendship is within my reach!
We’d be lying if we said starting university isn’t a little bit terrifying. Life after high school is a big, wide, beautiful world, but it comes with a plethora of new problems to face. You don’t have to face them alone, though. Here’s how to find the ones who will hold your hand through it.
1. WHAT IF I’M SCARED TO TALK TO PEOPLE?
(EVERYONE IS AS SCARED AS YOU)
The ephemeral nature of our uni environment is the worst culprit in all of this – seeing people for two hours, once a week, for three months (only to never see them again) doesn’t give you much to work with and can start to feel a bit demoralising after a while. Everyone feels like this, but it’s so unspoken! Sometimes, no amount of passing glances, chuckles at the same dumb comments from peers, or table talk can get you to to breach that initial awkward barrier – and this is coming from two self-professed extroverts.
2. WHAT IF I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY?
(OPEN YOUR EYES)
One of the most immediate and lasting connections that found me on campus was single-handedly achieved through the following method: I walk up to my tutorial room on the first day of a new semester. I look around, trying my best to be approachable. Then, a voice, smiling: “omg I LOVE your jeans!” Like the clouds opening for sunlight: a conversation, perfectly set up for mutual engagement and ego-boosting, landing in your lap like the most wonderfully timed gift. If ever in doubt, and in search of a positive gateway into a conversation, compliment something on their person – their bag, their laptop stickers, their earrings, their tattoos. Don’t be weird about it, though. Duh. But how could anybody think about not engaging in a conversation with you if you’re smiling at them and telling them how much you love their necklace?
3. HOW CAN I KEEP MY FRIENDS FROM HIGH SCHOOL?
(SUSTAIN THE LOVE)
Going from being with a group of people you love for ~30 hours a week to rooms full of strangers brings with it a type of grieving that is so soul-sucking and so distinct to the young adult experience. If your friends from high school are worth keeping around (you should definitely think about why you’re friends — is it out of devotion or convenience?), then you’re going to have to get creative with ways to stay close with your brand new jam-packed schedules. Maybe it’s weekly FaceTimes or voice memos that let you ramble like they’re right next to you, or collaborative playlists for the new music you find on your new journeys. Find a low-commitment way to ensure that you can stay connected, and integrate it into your routine.
But also, if that doesn’t happen, that’s okay. High school is a time in our lives where many of our friendships are of convenience and proximity, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is meant to be forever; relationships are transient, like the ocean tides. Thousands of people will enter and exit your life over the course of your existence, and although that might seem kind of scary, it’s actually really exciting! Think of all the little things that have imprinted on you, that have stuck with you over the years, that have moulded you, helping you grow as an individual. As a deeply emotional person, reframing my mindset really helped me alleviate frustrations and anxieties surrounding losing high school friends.
4. OH NO, EVERYTHING IS CHANGING
(THAT’S A GOOD THING)
Uni is one of the most exciting times of our lives. You have a myriad of resources at your disposal with so many opportunities being presented to you with every passing second. For the first time in most of your lives, you’re also surrounded by the most diverse group of people you’ve ever seen. It is so valuable to be immersed in an environment where your peers come from all areas of our sprawling city (shoutout Sydney), each with different backgrounds and values and interests. We’ve all been brought together by a common goal – to get the hell out of this second school, with a degree, as soon as possible. Kidding. Really. If you treat uni as a chore, it will become one. You’ll get bored and disillusioned and start hating the very idea of opening your eyes in the morning to do your bi-weekly trek to Ultimo. Take advantage of everything that is suddenly right in front of you.
The world truly is your oyster.
Making friends is not always going to be easy. You’re going to feel weird and out of place sometimes, and that’s okay! But, you’re here, and everything is new and different, and that’s what makes uni so gorgeous. It’s only a few years (unless you’re a freak doing a double degree), and you never know what potential connections all these strangers around you hold, so why not make the most of it? Vertigo believes in you!
Xoxo, your big sisters,
Zara and Bianca <3