Lately, my whole Instagram feed has ironically been filled with the shift to an analogue reality - a shift that has allowed me to begin considering what my life would have been like without the constant awareness of perception. This concerns how I am viewed by others based on my interactions with the internet, and my interpretation of other people’s carefully constructed realities through aesthetic and picture-perfect posts. An inner emotional conflict has arisen about the carefully constructed depiction of my life.
I’ve recognised this phenomenon as a form of self-censorship. While the word ‘censorship’ is heavy with current contextual and historical meaning, I view that its advancement has adapted alongside technology, enforcing the idea that people should repress their thoughts, feelings, and personality to create a digestible digital persona. Now, the content we consume, the creators we support, and what we choose to post can be constantly surveilled and used to minimise our identity to what we present online. This constant scrutiny has caused a hyper-awareness and level of self-consciousness that may not have been possible in the early internet age.
I first considered the idea of self-censorship when I received an unexpected text message from someone I had not spoken to in a while and was unsure of how to respond. My instinct was to consult my best friend, asking her to create a response that would be most “like me”, what she thought I should do in this situation, and how I should proceed based on her opinion. I began to consider what I would have done before immediate messaging became available, like if the dreaded conversation was occurring in person or via phone call. If this were the case, I would have to face this interaction in the present, letting my emotional impulses take over me and answer with what I truly felt, not delaying the topic to have a quick “time out” or consultation.
This rabbit hole of consciousness spiraled into an analysis of human communication. I considered if my self-assurance would be more potent had I experienced my formative years before the ‘age of internet’ and growth of social media. This idea made me reflect on our ability to shelter true feelings behind a well-constructed message response, and how it has impacted not only our online presence, but also the presentation of self offline as well.
Growing up in an age where one can simply refrain from responding online or wait until they have the perfect response constructed has diminished the truthfulness of in-person interactions. I now find myself staying quiet, not always saying what I believe due to how it will be perceived, afraid to share my interests or passions out of fear of ridicule, and only wanting to present a flawless and ever-cool version of myself. This has permeated my consciousness, as I find myself over-analysing past conversations, creating what I should have said in my head but having no outlet to correct the error.
All of this has made me consider, for the upsides of connection that social media provides, are we truly connecting through our real selves? Or is it simply through the constructed, digestible version we present for the masses to see? Has the “self” been censored so irrevocably that it has diminished our confidence in our own opinions and everyday interactions?
Or am I overthinking things?
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