I ran in through the closing doors of the train and slipped into the nearest seat right by the carriage entrance. I skipped to the next song on my playlist and lowered the volume on my headphones. Wrapping my arms around the heavy backpack that was perched on my lap, I shut my eyes tight and readied myself for a much needed nap. I was determined to make the most of the next 50 minutes.
I was dressed for a warm summer day, so the perpetual chill of the train's air conditioning was quickly settling into my bones. I snuggled closer to my fuzzy corduroy backpack as my body began to shiver. Still, the temporary cold was a welcome reprieve from the scorching summer sun that was beating down outside.
My breathing deepened and slowed, stepping into steady rhythm with the train’s gentle swaying. I could feel my grip on my phone loosening as it gradually slid from my hand onto my lap. The incessant creaking and droning of the old train melted into the muted bassline of my favourite song, lulling me to sleep.
Just as I was drifting off, a sharp sniffling sound jolted me back to consciousness.
“You need to stop calling me,” a shaky voice whispered. “This is not how I wanted it to end, but I meant what I said.”
By now, my short-lived sleep had been broken, but I kept my eyes closed. My ears were trained firmly on the disembodied voice that had materialised next to me. The slow R&B track that was filtering through my headphones was fading into background noise.
“Goodbye…” A thud followed, which I realised soon after was the sound of the girl’s phone dropping to the ground.
A few minutes passed in empty silence until the stillness was shattered by the sound of soft wails that hung heavy in the air. I remained glued to my seat, eyes shut and body frozen. I realised that I was no longer shivering. The chill of the air conditioning didn't seem to faze me anymore.
I could tell that the girl was trying to compose herself and steady her breathing, but her sobs continued to come in surges. Soon, she stopped resisting and let the sobs overcome her completely, her cries devolving into wounded howling.
Eventually, a dull vibration cut through her mournful howls. I heard deep breathing as the sobs finally began to subside. At last, I opened my eyes and glanced sideways. I watched as the girl hunched over to pick up her phone from near her feet.
She was a pretty young woman who looked to be in her early twenties. Her long auburn curls ran down her shoulders and back like thick, hot flames licking at her t-shirt. A large silver suitcase was wedged between her knees with a leather handbag hanging from the extended handle.
When the girl sat up again, I noticed that her round, bloodshot eyes were ringed with running mascara and her ruby red lipstick was smudged at her cupid’s bow. She scrunched her freckled nose and sniffled, tucking a stray ringlet behind her ear. After taking a deep breath, she slid the answer button and brought her phone to her ear.
My eyes turned to the speckled floor of the train as my ears tuned into the girl’s tremulous voice. “I did it.” She choked out her words. “I had to.”
She paused momentarily, as if to listen to her own words and consider what she had just said. Then she continued. “I think I need to do this by myself.”
She fiddled with the zipper on her handbag as she listened to the person on the other end of the line. “You’re going to be late to work,” she pointed out. She stopped to clear her throat, but her voice still faltered as she continued. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”
Whoever she was talking to must have heard the tremor in her voice. “Okay, fine, I’ll see you soon,” she conceded, the slightest smile flickering across her face. “Thank you.”
The train was slowing down as the girl ended her call. She gripped the handle of her luggage with red knuckles, leaving her handbag to dangle precariously close to the floor. Putting her phone away, she stood up and gazed intently out the window as the train made its stop. She waited for the doors to open completely before walking out onto a packed platform, dragging her bags behind her.
Without even having to look, I could feel the emptiness of the seat beside me. I was left to sit in silence in the absence of the girl’s sobs, my body once again frozen in place and my eyes staring blankly at the dirty floor as the train trundled on.
As I sat there alone, the silence gradually became overcome by the echoing of her words, which kept replaying and reverberating in my head.
“I did it. I had to.”
I hadn’t done it yet. But maybe I had to?
“I think I need to do this by myself.”
I could do this by myself. But did I need to?
I turned to look out the window and was greeted by the vignette of my sombre reflection looking back at me in the smudged glass. I couldn’t help but notice how solitary the reflection was.
The train began to slow down again, and I realised that it was now approaching my stop. Letting go of my bag, I reached for my phone. With shaking hands, I scrolled through my messages until I found his contact. My eyes momentarily fixed on his name before I clicked on it. My fingers flew across the keyboard, typing out a text that had somehow already formed in my head.
Call me. This is not how I wanted to do it, but there is something I need to tell you.
I immediately hit the send button, knowing that I was leaving one thing unsaid — for now: I'm in love with you. Because some things are just better said out loud.
The train came to a screeching halt just as my favourite song started to replay. As the bassline kicked in, I turned up the volume on my headphones and put my phone away. I finally took a glance at the empty seat next to me before standing up. Picking up my backpack and slinging it over one shoulder, I wandered out of the open doors.
As I stepped onto the platform, I felt my phone buzzing in my front pocket.
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