MAGGIE NEIL gives her personal take on PIV public sex. Fitness required – check your shame at the door.


There is a fine art to getting away with banging in public.

But before I go giving away all my sexy secrets of deception there are some things you should know.

  1. DO NOT expect to orgasm (mainly for girls) – this is really essential for you to know when you are weighing up the risk vs. reward as that sexy Italian guy you met in the bar is ripping your pants down.
  2. If caught, there is the potential risk of being arrested. Yep. Bumping uglies in public is illegal.
  3. Clean up for the most part is awkward and shameful. I’m looking at you, girl with the suspicious stain on the bottom of your dress!

That’s about it.

If you have carefully looked at and considered the above warnings and you are still keen on public penetration, then good for you! You are a horn bag! Because this is a rookie’s guide I’m only going to mention the easy spots. If you want harder ones to pull off, then you should sit down a have a good long think about your life decisions.

Okay, lets begin with:


This one speaks for itself. Go into the toilets in a public place and get it on. Most commonly used/seen at festivals.


This one is a little trickier, especially if it’s a busy day. Try to find a somewhat quiet part of the park, where you can have the illusion of privacy. Girls should wear a skirt on the day. Once you and your partner have found a spot, you should innocently sit on your partner’s lap. Under the safety of that skirt I mentioned before, undo the button and fly on your partner’s pants and you are ready to whip it out. Then you can get on down to funky bang town.


The beach is about as publicly sexual as the average person can get. Everyone is in underwear that is conveniently named ‘swimwear’, depending on where you are there are women with their boobs on show, and everyone is lathering each other up in sunscreen and/or tanning oil. Also, for some reason libido seems to rise with the heat. Go figure. Your best bet for getting dirty at the beach is to take your partner and swim out into the ocean. Don’t go crazy and swim out further than you should. It will not be fun when the lifeguards have to come and save you – unless they’re hot and totally down to join. So once you are in the water at a nice distance from the beach, away from children (don’t be gross), you can slyly pull down those bathers and slip it in. Just a note – although a simple enough task, this does require a certain level of fitness. You will be trying to keep both of you afloat while also slyly thrusting at each other. Work that core.

Congratulations! You’re educated in public sex. Go make mum proud.