Women Continue to Worry About Lindsay Lohan

By Lucy Tassell

A recent survey has shown that an overwhelming majority of women aged 18 49 identify as “very concerned” about Lindsay Lohan, with 89% of those women stating they think about the former child star at least once a week.

Researchers from the Child Star Trajectory Institute said that while the majority of women who had the greatest concern for the Parent Trap star were white – an enduring hope that Lohan could still get her shit together appeared to cross racial boundaries.

“Women the world over are deeply upset by every new development around Lindsay Lohan,” said Professor Chowdhury.

“Her strange new accent, her campaign to make a Mean Girls sequel, and the bleakness of all of her IMDb credits since 2008 ranked as their top concerns.”

Chowdhury said that many women were beginning to become concerned about Millie Bobby Brown of Netflix’s Stranger Things as well.

“There’s something about her Instagram presence that is really spiking cortisol levels amongst women everywhere.”