Words by MAX GRIEVE 

Rather than going to see how I, Frankenstein pans out, I suggest you stand outside the cinema, take the $20 that you were going to spend on the ticket and light it on fire. Have you seen a bad movie before? Of course you have. Have you seen $20 burn before? I doubt it.

I watched it all, apart from a five minute period where I thought about falling asleep, before remembering that I’d been sent here to review the film. I know a lot of people think that a bad film can be good because of how bad it is. This isn’t that. It’s a high school student’s creative writing piece that someone made into a movie – derivative and tedious throughout.

I’ll keep it simple. I, Frankenstein sees Frankenstein’s monster (Aaron Eckhart) still alive in a modern-day Melbourne shot to look a bit like Paris. He is drawn into a war between gargoyles and demons – they’re fighting for the soul of humankind – which has been rolling on since the late Cretaceous. Also, Frankenstein’s monster is called Adam, and wears a hoodie, because fuck Mary Shelley, right?

Elsewhere, Bill Nighy is trying to recreate Victor Frankenstein’s experiment because he wants to forge soul-less human forms for the demons to occupy. It is, says Nighy, “A really good, tight script, with elements of an epic war and romance,” but he’s lying, because it’s none of those things.

Maybe I’m being too harsh. I really liked the scene right at the end where all the names scrolled down a black screen and everyone left the room. That bit was great.

Rating: 1/5

Now showing.