Baublin’ on a Budget
The holiday season is looming with carols playing loudly in supermarkets, frantic food prep, and coworkers getting schwasted at work parties. But let’s not forget the whole point of this season: working for $18.93 per hour before tax at a shitty retail job so you can be forced to buy last minute gifts for your family barely worth the plastic they’re wrapped in. Holiday cheer!
Cynicism aside, there’s a way to have your fruit cake AND eat it too. Here’s how to navigate the holidays on a budget.
If you haven’t already given it to Vinnies or tried selling it on gumtree, this is the time to treat your loved ones to your discarded garbage. Be it a pair of socks, a book you have no interest in, or a third keepcup, find someone who would appreciate the gift more than you and claim the credit. You could throw that ugly sweater from your aunt in the rubbish, but by giving it to your new girlfriend instead you’re being environmentally friendly. Reduce reuse recycle babes.
2. Make something
Nothing says I love you like a shoddy art attempt. Make sure the cost price of craft supplies is low and you can have a cheap present PLUS the added bonus of hearing “it’s the thought that counts” from the reluctant recipient.
3. Borrow (or steal) from your friends
Those who have their lives together are goldmines during the holidays. Ask if you can take a cutting from one of their plants (you probably forgot to water yours weeks ago), use their printer ink to print wholesome photos for your parents, come over to bake gingerbread and “forget” to bring any flour. Make sure you give them a good present in return, it’ll be useful to keep them on hand for next December.
4. Gift “experience”
The greatest con of them all. Everybody knows gifting an experience isn’t a real thing. Complete the ruse by using the print-out coupon below. There are boundless “experiences” you can promise: a movie, dinner date, hot air balloon ride, you name it. By the time the recipient tries to cash it in, oops! You’re busy this weekend. Raincheck?