The Six People You Meet at O’Day

By Lucy Tassell

The Loner

He’s a single male wearing mid-wash jeans, joggers, and a full backpack. He’s got stickers on every available surface and a wild look in his eyes. You spot him coming from a mile away, working his way through every stall. He must be running low on $5 notes but here he comes anyway, his fingers ready to fill out your Google Form. You’ll see him two more times – once at your opening event, knocking back brown liquor, and once in your final year, when he’s inexplicably the president of a society you’ve never heard of.

The Freebie Fiend

You spot them breezing past you in line for one of the UTSSA swag bags. They’re carving out a wide berth on either side of them because their arms are laden down with bags – my God, is that a USyd tote? There’s a popcorn in one hand, a snow cone in a another, a cup of ice-cream in the crook of one elbow and about six lanyards around their neck. You’ll last see them chucking all the informative bits of paper from their different tote bags in the bin at the end of the day and making off with seven chargers and twelve KeepCups.

Private School Squad

Boat shoes. Tight jeans. Crisp haircuts. A look on their face that suggests this is the first time they’ve seen so many non-white and non-cis-het people in one place. They travel in packs and they’re debating whether or not to join the Young Libs. They’ll sign up to a couple of political and economic societies and will lobby hard to be secretary in second year despite never contributing anything because it’ll look good for their application to the KPMG internship. Interestingly, they’re all carrying Respect Now Always merch.

The Really Mature Age Student

Oh, this one makes your heart hurt. You want so badly for them to have a good time, but they’ve never even heard of a Google Form and you apparently remind them of their grandchildren. Your good will towards them will be extinguished as soon as you see them raise their hand in a lecture.

The Glamour Puss

Why is she in heels? I mean, good for her, but this is a lot of look for 1pm in the Tower Building. Impossible to tell what they’ll sign up for, what degree they’re doing, or even how old they are. Who are you? And how can I be you?

Grizzled Veteran

They’re only on the society stall in the afternoon so they can exchange their lanyard for a drink ticket. Their mouth says “Come join, it’s such a fun time,” but their eyes say “Run away as fast as you can”. You can tell how many years their society participation has added to their degree by the size of the bags under their eyes.